My Mother

As kids , one of the first essays we all wrote was ‘’My Mother’’. We went on to narrate how mom always made delicious food for us, ironed our clothes, made us do our homework, took us shopping, wore a saree, did all household chores easily, went to the market to buy veggies and never got tired. The essay ended with, ’’My mother is the best ‘’ or ‘’I love my mother’’.
We always felt that mothers never get tired, they were omnipresent, to comfort us and take care of us. You didn’t have to think if you were early from school because of a tummy ache whether you would find her home or not ? It was a ‘’given’’. When you came back from play in the evening, she would be waiting with a glass of milk, when you studied late at night, she would give you a cup of hot tea to keep you awake. I am sure everyone’s mom did this like mine.
My mom was a very docile person of a pleasant demeanour. She did everything for her husband, children and grandchildren because that was her occupation as a housewife. In the process, she was always taken for granted like any other housewife is ! But, she never complained, even after she was diagnosed with Parkinsons disease at the young age of 38 or 40 ? She saw her 13 year old son breathe his last in her lap after their car met with an accident and nobody stopped to help. He was her life and this was probably the only thing which broke her from inside but she never showed. She got my sister and me married and after that her Parkinsons started deteriorating.
I wonder why we never viewed her as a strong willed person, carrying on with her routine household chores despite having difficulty while chopping veggies or cooking or walking , she would often stumble and fall because Parkinsons makes you lose control of your nerves so your movement gets out of your hands. Like, to start walking it is difficult to take the first step but after you start walking its difficult for you to stop . While sitting on a chair she would be cutting veggies and slowly her body would tilt to one side almost bringing her to the ground but she would continue doing her job. She would cook delicious meals barely able to stand, would dust and keep the house spanking clean. She just kept herself busy and we all thought she wasn’t strong willed because we were always conditioned to believe that it’s a woman’s job to look after her house and kids , nothing extraordinary there !!!
One day she did not get up from her sleep and had to be admitted to the hospital. The doctors said she has had a seizure and has slipped into a comatose state. The next 48 hours are very crucial. Its so painful to see your mom all tied up in tubes, mouth, nose, neck, hands, legs….Mom tries to open her eyes after 3 days but her condition remains critical, her responses are too slow. The doctors have no other alternative but to give her steroids which keep her awake but she is unable to speak. I talk to her and she responds by crying. She wants to say something but slips into coma again. She cannot do without the ventilator, the moment it is taken off she gets seizures. They cannot keep the tube in her mouth for long so they have to perform tracheostomy where the tube is inserted through a hole made in the throat region. Her limbs stop moving. Doctor says only a miracle can save her and even if she survives she may become a vegetable, a very disturbing thought.
She stayed in the ICU for one and a half months . The speech therapist put a speaking valve for mom so that her whispers are audible. We encouraged her to talk and use sign language. She tried her best but then became frustrated after a while when she couldnot put her point across. Her eyes searched for Papa worryng about him even in that condition. One morning her limbs began to show signs of movement and we kept our fingers, toes everything crossed.
Finally she was moved into a room and the physiotherapist started working with her along with the speech therapist. She spent another one and a half months in the hospital shuttling between ICU and the room. The doctors were completely baffled at her case and said that they will include it in the medical journal because its so unique. Mom started showing improvement and was cooperating with the doctors, with a smiling face. Except for the ICU she did not cry again or cribbed. She was all the time worried about my diet, whether I have eaten or not ? When I used to meet her in the morning, she was always smiling through all the pain and discomfort.
How selfless this woman is ! I thought and understood that only those people who are strong willed can be selfless. My mother showed the entire medical fraternity how strong willed she was when she came out of the hospital on her feet after a traumatic three month period. She lived for one year after that continuing to do household chores, never talking about her hospital stint or how much she suffered. She cooked lunch for my father just before God took her away suddenly one day .
For many days I would sit on the steps of her house at night gazing at the stars and identified with one as ‘’Her’’ and talked to her. I felt that she too is looking at me and this continued for a month or so. Now also, at times I gaze at the sky at night and try to find her because I know she is looking at me all the time. I love you mom !
25th July is my mom’s fourth death anniversary and this is a salute to her from her daughter…..with fond memories.

another beautiful vacation in the kumaon hills

Kumaon hills are so beautiful, actually there is something mesmerising about them since I get attracted like a magnet. Its untiring to keep going back to Naukuchiatal, Nainital, Bhimtal, Sona pani, Ranikhet, Almora, Kausani and the likes. We had an amazing time though it was warm during the day but we made the most of each minute spent there. Everytime we go there we try to discover a new place and this time too we discovered a lovely cottage on the bhimtal road where we had awesome food and warm hospitality. The people in Kumaon are so unassuming, so simple , am proud to be a kumaoni.

'Time is money''......is it really ?

Have you ever tried to give your time to anyone ??? Well, what kind of a question is this , you may ask. Let me be more specific, how much time do you spend with your mother or father ? Iam not talking to children here, Iam targetting anyone who has crossed the teenage years. Well, most of us would happily spend hours idling in pubs and lounges, spend more hours at work to show visibility since its very important to be seen at the right place at the right time, but only a few will willingly spend those hours with old parents or siblings, listening to their stories repeatedly, day in and day out. When someone asks me how do I spend my time as a homemaker, I cannot describe a typical day, because each day is different. To a working person all days seem almost similar but to homemakers each day is so fresh like a white canvas , you can colour it the way you like. I feel blessed to be home because not only can I look after my home, I can listen to music, paint, read, meet friends and most important for me, look after old parents who need an outlet for their feelings. I can sit for hours listening to their life stories everyday. I can now also predict the expressions, twitch of an eyebrow and choice of words for each episode. I never feel that Iam wasting my time because the excitement of narrating stories, expressing emotions and have someone listening is an assurance for them that, ''I am alive'' and when you see that reassuring smile on wrinkled faces , your eyes become moist with joy. The satisfaction you get is unmatched. I will not trade it for a million bucks.
The message I want to spread is that ''time is money'' but what will you do with money when you won't have those hands to bless you ? Parents do not need money, nor any materialistic comforts, all they need is ''your time'' and understanding . I have closely observed and learnt a lot from them. They want empathy not sympathy, they love to interact with anyone who is positive towards life because it gives them a feeling that ''all eeez well'' :-) I have never regretted my decision to quit work due to family commitments since my easy accessibility has brought me closer to them.
Another thing I have never been able to understand is that people can go to any extent to look after a dog, keep it in an airconditioned room, consult the best doctor, spend hours talking to the dog, buy the best food for the ''poor thing'' because ''you know a dog gives you unconditional love''....I want to ask these people one question, ''Don't parents also give unconditional love ?'' then why don't you spend time with them ??? I know the answer too......animals cannot speak out their mind in words whereas human beings can and who wants to listen ? Sad state of affairs ! Charity begins at home, so before you join any old people's home, look at your parents if they need any help. Old age homes are creation of those children who have no time for their parents. They forget that they too will become old one day, what then ?
To give your time to someone is the most difficult thing to do, are you ready for the challenge ? Which category would you rather belong to,'' I wish I had spent time with....'' or '' Iam glad I spent time with....'' the choice is yours !!!

''Aman ki Asha '' is a beautiful concept because we all live in hope . I read a lot of comments in TOI on Indo-Pak relations and found that some people are very bitter unknowingly and some are very sensitive towards the issue. Why I say ''unknowingly'' is because most of the time the comment is written without any thought. It is written because one wants to join the discontent wagon....basically following a herd. Very few people actually think and put down their own thoughts.

This is true even when you are writing a greeting for someone, very rarely will you find a message written from the heart, where people actually spare a couple of minutes to think what they want to write. How you send a greeting says a lot about your relationship with that person. Next time you want to send a greeting, spare a few ( a few) minutes , close your eyes and think about the qualities of that person and then compose your message, you will see the difference it makes . ''Par time kiske paas hai yaar !!!!....:-) '' Time hi toh nikalna hai nahin toh paisa kamane ki bhagdaur mein rishte peeche rah jaayenge...''

What comes to your mind when I say the word ''spontaneous''...''instant'' ???....well, don't you think we are losing that spontaneity in each one of us and instead adopting ''calculative moves ''....I have not seen people being spontaneous in a very long time, they hesitate before they react, ''should I or shouldnt I ?'' and you miss the boat....I think if we instantly react to a joke by laughing out loud because we want to, that would be called spontaneity....lets not lose it, lets not think too much about the reaction to our reactions ???? have you seen kids, how spontaneous they are and that's why so happy too.....they are innocent, lets not lose that innocence....try and see what difference it makes !!!! it will make you smile and your smile will make others smile and you will be happy....

friendship

I read somewhere ''You cannot choose your relatives but you can choose friends, that's why you end up bonding more with the latter" ....well, its true to a large extent....family is what we have been given on a platter and we can either nurture the relationship or look elsewhere....what do most people do ??? look elsewhere ! because nurturing takes time and effort and who has the time anyways ??? So, the easiest is to get hold of people with a similar mindset as ours and call them ''friends''.....these so called friends become the focus of our attention and family is put on the backburner , till one fine day we need medical or financial help and we seek the ones we got on ''platter''.....it becomes obligatory for family to help...''where are your friends???'', nobody dare ask.....
Agreed that all relations are a two way street but have we tried to tread one way at least or have we been judgemental before trying that this won't work?
My mother-in-law once told me that to nurture a kid from birth is as tough as eating the flesh on the palm of your hand....well, I agree with her because we did it, alongwith household chores, without having a maid to help like recent times....I think that holds true about relationships as well (this topic is very close to my heart :-))........if time and effort is put into nurturing relations at home , we will have friends around us all the time....''but'', it has to be a two way street.....one way street will not work at all....
Friendship is easy to create but very difficult to keep because the most common mistake people make is to take the other for granted....please treat all relations as if you are going to lose them tomorrow, so precious !!!! coz what if you were to lose one of them ????....
I hate to be taken for granted and with my actions make people know it too , though unsuccessfully most times, :-).......
please value relationships.....what if your parents had taken you for granted when you were born ??? you wouldnt have survived, so thank them each day !!!!!

Daughters are precious gems

This is an appeal to all parents who wash their hands off their daughter's welfare after she is married. A child, whether a son or daughter, is for life...notice the first signs of discomfort....be sensitive to your daughter's need to reach out to you if she is distressed and do not wait for her funeral to speak up against the torture she was going through just because you thought ''things may improve''....this is what I heard Neha Chikara's father say on TV last night ....the poor girl was beaten up and had to take the extreme step of jumping off a cruise into the sea to commit suicide.....since our judiciary is insensitive , its time that we as parents take it upon ourselves to fight against injustice being meted out to the girls in the society.....nobody has the right to physically abuse anyone.... how many of you out there feel that once your daughter is married the responsibility of her welfare lies completely with her in-laws ??? how is it that your overprotective attitude towards your little girl changes overnight to being someone else's responsibility ??? How callous can we get ??? The fact that she is now staying with strangers should make you overprotective till you are sure she is happy.....

welcome

Like raindrops I wish to emanate freshness in whatever I write, originality in thoughts is what I value and clarity in composing those thoughts into writing is what I aim for...