My Mother

As kids , one of the first essays we all wrote was ‘’My Mother’’. We went on to narrate how mom always made delicious food for us, ironed our clothes, made us do our homework, took us shopping, wore a saree, did all household chores easily, went to the market to buy veggies and never got tired. The essay ended with, ’’My mother is the best ‘’ or ‘’I love my mother’’.
We always felt that mothers never get tired, they were omnipresent, to comfort us and take care of us. You didn’t have to think if you were early from school because of a tummy ache whether you would find her home or not ? It was a ‘’given’’. When you came back from play in the evening, she would be waiting with a glass of milk, when you studied late at night, she would give you a cup of hot tea to keep you awake. I am sure everyone’s mom did this like mine.
My mom was a very docile person of a pleasant demeanour. She did everything for her husband, children and grandchildren because that was her occupation as a housewife. In the process, she was always taken for granted like any other housewife is ! But, she never complained, even after she was diagnosed with Parkinsons disease at the young age of 38 or 40 ? She saw her 13 year old son breathe his last in her lap after their car met with an accident and nobody stopped to help. He was her life and this was probably the only thing which broke her from inside but she never showed. She got my sister and me married and after that her Parkinsons started deteriorating.
I wonder why we never viewed her as a strong willed person, carrying on with her routine household chores despite having difficulty while chopping veggies or cooking or walking , she would often stumble and fall because Parkinsons makes you lose control of your nerves so your movement gets out of your hands. Like, to start walking it is difficult to take the first step but after you start walking its difficult for you to stop . While sitting on a chair she would be cutting veggies and slowly her body would tilt to one side almost bringing her to the ground but she would continue doing her job. She would cook delicious meals barely able to stand, would dust and keep the house spanking clean. She just kept herself busy and we all thought she wasn’t strong willed because we were always conditioned to believe that it’s a woman’s job to look after her house and kids , nothing extraordinary there !!!
One day she did not get up from her sleep and had to be admitted to the hospital. The doctors said she has had a seizure and has slipped into a comatose state. The next 48 hours are very crucial. Its so painful to see your mom all tied up in tubes, mouth, nose, neck, hands, legs….Mom tries to open her eyes after 3 days but her condition remains critical, her responses are too slow. The doctors have no other alternative but to give her steroids which keep her awake but she is unable to speak. I talk to her and she responds by crying. She wants to say something but slips into coma again. She cannot do without the ventilator, the moment it is taken off she gets seizures. They cannot keep the tube in her mouth for long so they have to perform tracheostomy where the tube is inserted through a hole made in the throat region. Her limbs stop moving. Doctor says only a miracle can save her and even if she survives she may become a vegetable, a very disturbing thought.
She stayed in the ICU for one and a half months . The speech therapist put a speaking valve for mom so that her whispers are audible. We encouraged her to talk and use sign language. She tried her best but then became frustrated after a while when she couldnot put her point across. Her eyes searched for Papa worryng about him even in that condition. One morning her limbs began to show signs of movement and we kept our fingers, toes everything crossed.
Finally she was moved into a room and the physiotherapist started working with her along with the speech therapist. She spent another one and a half months in the hospital shuttling between ICU and the room. The doctors were completely baffled at her case and said that they will include it in the medical journal because its so unique. Mom started showing improvement and was cooperating with the doctors, with a smiling face. Except for the ICU she did not cry again or cribbed. She was all the time worried about my diet, whether I have eaten or not ? When I used to meet her in the morning, she was always smiling through all the pain and discomfort.
How selfless this woman is ! I thought and understood that only those people who are strong willed can be selfless. My mother showed the entire medical fraternity how strong willed she was when she came out of the hospital on her feet after a traumatic three month period. She lived for one year after that continuing to do household chores, never talking about her hospital stint or how much she suffered. She cooked lunch for my father just before God took her away suddenly one day .
For many days I would sit on the steps of her house at night gazing at the stars and identified with one as ‘’Her’’ and talked to her. I felt that she too is looking at me and this continued for a month or so. Now also, at times I gaze at the sky at night and try to find her because I know she is looking at me all the time. I love you mom !
25th July is my mom’s fourth death anniversary and this is a salute to her from her daughter…..with fond memories.