Relationships mean a lot !

Life has reached a stage where one feels like holding on to only those relationships which have stood the test of time. I have nurtured these by investing so much of my time , time which is more precious and valuable than money. It is such a wonderful feeling to have a small group of genuine friends than a larger group of acquaintances. Over the years one has seen joy, hurt, happiness, defeat, win, love, hate and having analysed the situation I have felt that we are what we are because of our circumstances. Each one of us was like clay, life put us through fire and moulded us into different shapes and sizes, nurtured our minds to think differently, taught us patience, wisdom ( by the way wisdom is taught by life not acquired by us as birthright !!), gave hurt so that we may value love, showed death so that we may value life. They say, 'a face tells a story"....we have stories written all over our face, just need someone to reach out and read it. 

To all my friends who are reading this....I will always be there for you !

Some questions that intrigue me

Why is it that a girl has to leave her home after marriage and adjust in a new surrounding with strangers and make it her home for the rest of her life ???
Why do parents let go of their daughters happily after getting them married but want to hold on to their sons for the rest of their lives ???
Why is it that a girl is expected to call her husband's parents mummy and papa immediately on entering her new house whereas the boy is excused for the same ???
Why is a man called an ideal if he looks after his parents but a henpecked husband if he looks after his wife ???
Why is a man accused of having changed after his marriage because he happened to spend sometime with his wife ???

Why is it that the women in the family have a problem with the girl child ??? 

Why do they forget that they too are born a girl child, what if they were hated ???

Why is it difficult to forgive someone even if one wants to ???

Why do people hesitate in delegating ???

Why is everyone getting so formal in life ???

Where is love in any relationship ???

Why have mobile phones, Internet and TV taken away our conversations, letters, giggles, cuddles, laughter ???

Why do we not have time for each other ???

Age is just a number

Do you believe me when I say that age is just a number ! Well, you must believe me because its only the body which is attacked by that number, mann toh chanchal hi rahta hai. If our mann is chanchal means it remains young forever! I have seen old age at very very close quarters in my parents and in-laws. Instead of being scared of the process, I want to keep age on my side and learn to handle it gracefully. Firstly, I must look at people older than me and feel younger. I have to change the way I perceive things. If we do not change with time we will be left behind all alone.  If I look at someone younger and pine to be like that person in looks and dressing, then I have a major problem ! So , age gracefully. Look up not down...
I must think of all that I have wanted to do but couldnot because of all the responsibilities God bestowed on me ! I used to read a lot so maybe I can just read which will take care of my mental health and also the time available. I love to write so maybe I can think of writing a book , well Iam seriously thinking about it.!!! I can look at the varied experience I have and impart that education to the less fortunate, maybe volunteer to teach ! Iam very passionate about the girl child issue and want to educate all the girls I can and feel proud at their achievements. I want to reach out to the less fortunate who cannot afford to go to schools , women who have to fend for themselves because the husband is a drunkard and doesn't work, women who have to bring up their kids single handedly and here Iam also talking about the upper middle class where rearing up the kids is still the sole responsibility of the woman.
Its very important for us to realise that nobody is indispensable ( we realise it very late in life), actually why we do not realise it is because we do not want to let go .....of anything, we do not want to delegate because we are scared that it will diminish our value. How wrong are we ? If we have to move ahead , we must pass on our responsibilities to the younger generation and let them take over. This is a very important step to liberate oneself and stay happy. My mother-in-law did that and never interfered thereafter. She focussed on her reading and spirituality as also her few friends. It was very unfortunate that last year she fell sick and that blow changed her outlook from being strong to being unsure, insecure, scared. Its extremely unnerving to see your parents so helpless. I have been unfortunate to painfully witness these changes happen to my mother-in-law ,father-in law, mother and my father. At times I have cried the entire night because the hands that held you so that you do not fall, are now seeking that support from you. The mind which always found solutions to all your problems is looking for solutions to its own problems. The eyes which disciplined you by just one look are now seeking your presence and approval . The wavering wrinkly hands need to be held, the unstable steps need to be supported and most of all they need to be given something very precious for their age...Our time !
We have to understand that our requirements change with time. When we are younger we are surrounded by parents, realtives, friends, there is so much to achieve and so much to do that we have no time for anything else, not even to sit with our grandparents and listen to what they have to say. As we grow older we spend all our time earning money to support young kids, parents, our own aspirations,. As we grow even older there are weddings at home, our children get married and we are busy still. A little more older and our responsibilities start shrinking , younger generation is taking over. Now we need time from others which they don't have because of the same vicious cycle. We start pondering if they are the same kids whom we have brought up ! Nobody has Time.
I will come to where we started from, I must keep myself busy with what I have always wanted to do rather than eyeing the door for someone to come in for me. Its not easy but I will do it. May God give me the strength and good health to lead a happy and fulfilling old age which will not be dependent on others . I must learn from my life, from the mistakes that my parents inadvertently committed which  hurt me no end. Let me not do it to my son. I have happy that I have given TIME to my aging parents and in-laws , so no regrets and guilt on that account.
So, age gracefully and keep yourself occupied even if it means reading a book for hours or watching TV , and pray to God to give us good health.

My Mother

As kids , one of the first essays we all wrote was ‘’My Mother’’. We went on to narrate how mom always made delicious food for us, ironed our clothes, made us do our homework, took us shopping, wore a saree, did all household chores easily, went to the market to buy veggies and never got tired. The essay ended with, ’’My mother is the best ‘’ or ‘’I love my mother’’.
We always felt that mothers never get tired, they were omnipresent, to comfort us and take care of us. You didn’t have to think if you were early from school because of a tummy ache whether you would find her home or not ? It was a ‘’given’’. When you came back from play in the evening, she would be waiting with a glass of milk, when you studied late at night, she would give you a cup of hot tea to keep you awake. I am sure everyone’s mom did this like mine.
My mom was a very docile person of a pleasant demeanour. She did everything for her husband, children and grandchildren because that was her occupation as a housewife. In the process, she was always taken for granted like any other housewife is ! But, she never complained, even after she was diagnosed with Parkinsons disease at the young age of 38 or 40 ? She saw her 13 year old son breathe his last in her lap after their car met with an accident and nobody stopped to help. He was her life and this was probably the only thing which broke her from inside but she never showed. She got my sister and me married and after that her Parkinsons started deteriorating.
I wonder why we never viewed her as a strong willed person, carrying on with her routine household chores despite having difficulty while chopping veggies or cooking or walking , she would often stumble and fall because Parkinsons makes you lose control of your nerves so your movement gets out of your hands. Like, to start walking it is difficult to take the first step but after you start walking its difficult for you to stop . While sitting on a chair she would be cutting veggies and slowly her body would tilt to one side almost bringing her to the ground but she would continue doing her job. She would cook delicious meals barely able to stand, would dust and keep the house spanking clean. She just kept herself busy and we all thought she wasn’t strong willed because we were always conditioned to believe that it’s a woman’s job to look after her house and kids , nothing extraordinary there !!!
One day she did not get up from her sleep and had to be admitted to the hospital. The doctors said she has had a seizure and has slipped into a comatose state. The next 48 hours are very crucial. Its so painful to see your mom all tied up in tubes, mouth, nose, neck, hands, legs….Mom tries to open her eyes after 3 days but her condition remains critical, her responses are too slow. The doctors have no other alternative but to give her steroids which keep her awake but she is unable to speak. I talk to her and she responds by crying. She wants to say something but slips into coma again. She cannot do without the ventilator, the moment it is taken off she gets seizures. They cannot keep the tube in her mouth for long so they have to perform tracheostomy where the tube is inserted through a hole made in the throat region. Her limbs stop moving. Doctor says only a miracle can save her and even if she survives she may become a vegetable, a very disturbing thought.
She stayed in the ICU for one and a half months . The speech therapist put a speaking valve for mom so that her whispers are audible. We encouraged her to talk and use sign language. She tried her best but then became frustrated after a while when she couldnot put her point across. Her eyes searched for Papa worryng about him even in that condition. One morning her limbs began to show signs of movement and we kept our fingers, toes everything crossed.
Finally she was moved into a room and the physiotherapist started working with her along with the speech therapist. She spent another one and a half months in the hospital shuttling between ICU and the room. The doctors were completely baffled at her case and said that they will include it in the medical journal because its so unique. Mom started showing improvement and was cooperating with the doctors, with a smiling face. Except for the ICU she did not cry again or cribbed. She was all the time worried about my diet, whether I have eaten or not ? When I used to meet her in the morning, she was always smiling through all the pain and discomfort.
How selfless this woman is ! I thought and understood that only those people who are strong willed can be selfless. My mother showed the entire medical fraternity how strong willed she was when she came out of the hospital on her feet after a traumatic three month period. She lived for one year after that continuing to do household chores, never talking about her hospital stint or how much she suffered. She cooked lunch for my father just before God took her away suddenly one day .
For many days I would sit on the steps of her house at night gazing at the stars and identified with one as ‘’Her’’ and talked to her. I felt that she too is looking at me and this continued for a month or so. Now also, at times I gaze at the sky at night and try to find her because I know she is looking at me all the time. I love you mom !
25th July is my mom’s fourth death anniversary and this is a salute to her from her daughter…..with fond memories.

another beautiful vacation in the kumaon hills

Kumaon hills are so beautiful, actually there is something mesmerising about them since I get attracted like a magnet. Its untiring to keep going back to Naukuchiatal, Nainital, Bhimtal, Sona pani, Ranikhet, Almora, Kausani and the likes. We had an amazing time though it was warm during the day but we made the most of each minute spent there. Everytime we go there we try to discover a new place and this time too we discovered a lovely cottage on the bhimtal road where we had awesome food and warm hospitality. The people in Kumaon are so unassuming, so simple , am proud to be a kumaoni.

'Time is money''......is it really ?

Have you ever tried to give your time to anyone ??? Well, what kind of a question is this , you may ask. Let me be more specific, how much time do you spend with your mother or father ? Iam not talking to children here, Iam targetting anyone who has crossed the teenage years. Well, most of us would happily spend hours idling in pubs and lounges, spend more hours at work to show visibility since its very important to be seen at the right place at the right time, but only a few will willingly spend those hours with old parents or siblings, listening to their stories repeatedly, day in and day out. When someone asks me how do I spend my time as a homemaker, I cannot describe a typical day, because each day is different. To a working person all days seem almost similar but to homemakers each day is so fresh like a white canvas , you can colour it the way you like. I feel blessed to be home because not only can I look after my home, I can listen to music, paint, read, meet friends and most important for me, look after old parents who need an outlet for their feelings. I can sit for hours listening to their life stories everyday. I can now also predict the expressions, twitch of an eyebrow and choice of words for each episode. I never feel that Iam wasting my time because the excitement of narrating stories, expressing emotions and have someone listening is an assurance for them that, ''I am alive'' and when you see that reassuring smile on wrinkled faces , your eyes become moist with joy. The satisfaction you get is unmatched. I will not trade it for a million bucks.
The message I want to spread is that ''time is money'' but what will you do with money when you won't have those hands to bless you ? Parents do not need money, nor any materialistic comforts, all they need is ''your time'' and understanding . I have closely observed and learnt a lot from them. They want empathy not sympathy, they love to interact with anyone who is positive towards life because it gives them a feeling that ''all eeez well'' :-) I have never regretted my decision to quit work due to family commitments since my easy accessibility has brought me closer to them.
Another thing I have never been able to understand is that people can go to any extent to look after a dog, keep it in an airconditioned room, consult the best doctor, spend hours talking to the dog, buy the best food for the ''poor thing'' because ''you know a dog gives you unconditional love''....I want to ask these people one question, ''Don't parents also give unconditional love ?'' then why don't you spend time with them ??? I know the answer too......animals cannot speak out their mind in words whereas human beings can and who wants to listen ? Sad state of affairs ! Charity begins at home, so before you join any old people's home, look at your parents if they need any help. Old age homes are creation of those children who have no time for their parents. They forget that they too will become old one day, what then ?
To give your time to someone is the most difficult thing to do, are you ready for the challenge ? Which category would you rather belong to,'' I wish I had spent time with....'' or '' Iam glad I spent time with....'' the choice is yours !!!

''Aman ki Asha '' is a beautiful concept because we all live in hope . I read a lot of comments in TOI on Indo-Pak relations and found that some people are very bitter unknowingly and some are very sensitive towards the issue. Why I say ''unknowingly'' is because most of the time the comment is written without any thought. It is written because one wants to join the discontent wagon....basically following a herd. Very few people actually think and put down their own thoughts.

This is true even when you are writing a greeting for someone, very rarely will you find a message written from the heart, where people actually spare a couple of minutes to think what they want to write. How you send a greeting says a lot about your relationship with that person. Next time you want to send a greeting, spare a few ( a few) minutes , close your eyes and think about the qualities of that person and then compose your message, you will see the difference it makes . ''Par time kiske paas hai yaar !!!!....:-) '' Time hi toh nikalna hai nahin toh paisa kamane ki bhagdaur mein rishte peeche rah jaayenge...''